You Were Put There on Purpose

God designed you and placed you in your family at that time in history, in that location. Those of you from Indiana or Iowa, I apologize for that. There are aspects of our past that we cherish and those that we try to forget. Depending on your story, you may try to forget more or hold on to more. We all carry this emotional baggage, whether we want to admit it or not. It is part of the formation of who we are. The problem is that we end up living in the past (either by literally living in the past or trying to ignore it and stumbling into it).

God Himself tells us that our past plays a part in our present. Exodus 20, He says, “I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments.

We cannot ignore the past It is not emotionally healthy spirituality. True spirituality, true discipleship, is living fully in the present, filled by the Holy Spirit. In order to do that, we must be willing to go back in order to go forward, which could include opening up doors that maybe we’ve locked and hidden away. Going all the way back, we see who is at the center in all of this – God. Psalm 139 sheds light on that.

READ Psalm 139:13-16

My father was born during the baby boom in the forties in a rural town in West Virginia. He worked chores on the farm, fixed the tractor and hunted racoons as his first job for neighbors who were having trouble keeping them away from their crops. His school never challenged the students to be anything more than simple, country farmers. He was told growing up that he was to marry a farm girl, work as a mechanic and continue the simple life. In fact, he was told on many occasions that he was stupid and can’t expect anything more. He would never make it out of West Virginia. That phrase, “I am stupid” still rings in the back of his mind to this day; yet my father is not stupid. He was the first of our line to earn a Master’s degree, he retired an officer in the Air Force working as a budget auditor of multi-million dollar accounts.

It was that family script, “I am stupid” that pushed him out the door and into a much larger world. That was the world I was born into; the military, which, in 1980, was the best place for me to be born as a child with Cystic Fibrosis. Few doctors back then understood and were prepared to handle a diagnosed patient with those complications, but through the military, God put my parents in one of the best locations for my health and early survival.

God has a unique plan for you. That plan, with all of His gracious love and sufficiency, includes things that you may look back on with pain. It is often that those pains from our history lead us to an understanding knowledge of the power of Jesus’ salvation. His offer to adopt us into the family of God, for many, offers rescue from our family of origin and real promise for the future. Listen to what He says in Ephesians 1.

Adoption Doesn’t Erase Your Past

READ Ephesians 1:3-14

In Christ, we are a new creation. Our sins have been forgiven and we are ADOPTED into the family of God and begin our journey of life with Him. We are not, however, in heaven where all our tears will be wiped away. Adoption does not erase your past. We are still in a broken world and still connected to our family of origin. Jesus acknowledges that both families exist in this world. Mark 3 and Matthew 10 show that, as well as John 19, where Jesus entrusts the care of His mother to John.

Yes, we are a new creation, but we still live in a broken world and still have to deal with the ramifications of our families of origin. The Christian life is a journey where we deal with these difficult things in life through the working of the Holy Spirit in us, allowing God to transform us through those events and situations into people that more accurately reflect Him and more completely display ourselves as His children. I like what Peter Scazzero says in his book about discipleship.

Earlier I told you about my father’s script. Mine is a continuation of that same story. Because of the CF, none of us had a normal childhood. Everything, especially early on, was all about my health and survival. My family (parents and two older brothers) was told on numerous occasions through my first 5-10 years of life not to expect me to be around for much longer. Therefore, my brothers saw me as something to protect instead of to pick on. My parents spoiled me. Basically all the attention around the house (which included getting rid of a beloved family dog because they thought I was allergic) was focused on me. My family put all their energy into my well-being.

This began to put a strain on things when it became apparent that I was going to hang around. Disciplining me was tough, I denied that I was sick, I became a pain to be around. All that attention started to pay a toll on everyone. I began to learn that my relationships were based on my health. My mother often solely focused on that; my dad would withdraw and my brothers stopped wanting to be around me, because just dealing with my health needs were enough for them.

I began to learn that in order for me, separate from my health needs, to get the attention I wanted, I had to provide value to people. Whether it was being the family go-fer and getting stuff for people, or being the one that would listen and not talk, I began to develop a script that said “I am worthless”. You see, unless I was providing a tangible value to those around me, i.e. doing stuff for them, they really didn’t want me around. This became evident around my friends and extended family as well. As long as I was doing stuff for people, I was allowed entry. To this day, it is hard for me to talk about myself to family; I usually end up listening to stories about their life.

That script made its way into other areas of my life. In college, I defined myself by what I did, not who I was. I had to be the shining star; it was never ok for me to just be. I always had to win, to be the best, to be the type of person people wanted around. I always had to look my best, put my best foot forward, and certainly never let anyone see my weaknesses – which was a huge reason why I never admitted my health problems outside of our family until I was 17. As I would work through overcoming sins in my life—a regular part of the discipleship process—I would beat myself up for weeks at a time if I failed. Who was I to God if I failed? I always had to provide that value.

I had no idea of this script running through my head, and I was raised in a Christian family; presented the Gospel and started my relationship with Jesus at 7. But I was emotionally stunted. It wouldn’t be until my twenties that I would even start to begin the journey of emotional health. I am sure many of you are wondering if that has in fact, started yet.

Our families of origin left us with family scripts, scars, etc… entering into the family of God doesn’t erase that, but it does give you a way to deal with it. On my journey of emotional health I have come across more than one family script and found that while these scripts can be healed, they can make a resurgence if the right trigger is activated.

Your Identity Leads to His Glory

Jesus has no intention of perfecting you before Heaven. Philippians 1:6 shows us that our entrance into Heaven is the completion of our discipleship journey. That means, everyone one of us in here has more growth ahead of us. However, by acknowledging the scripts and scars from our families of origin and growing through them with the power of the HS, we can take the next step in our discipleship journey and allow ourselves to be used for His glory.

Joseph spent between 10-15 years in prison for a crime he didn’t commit; and that was after nearly being murdered and then being sold into slavery at the hands of his brothers. That definitely makes me feel better about my family of origin!

In Genesis 50, we see that Joseph was able to forgive his brothers and even to see that the sin and brokenness in their family is what God used to lead them to salvation from the famine.

READ Genesis 50:19-21

What I find amazing on top of that is that we can clearly see the effect Joseph’s ordeal had on his life. He didn’t simply rise above everyone else with a halo around his head and forgive easily. What happened to him hurt. And he had to struggle through many years of torture. Joseph didn’t erase that past; he acknowledged that it happened and learned from it, growing in faith through the process. Let me read one more quote from Peter Scazzero.

“When Joseph did begin to prosper in Egypt after his long years of suffering, he gave his two children names that reflected the pain and sadness of his past. His first son was named Manasseh, from the Hebrew word for “forget”, because God had enabled him to forget all his troubles. His second child was named Ephraim, from the Hebrew word for “fruitful”, because God made him fruitful in his new land of suffering. Genesis 41:50-52.

So What?

Many of us have a love/hate relationship with our past, because there are good memories alongside bad. Looking back, in that way, will be bittersweet. However, there may be scars that will never go away because of your family of origin. On this journey you may learn of ones that you never knew were there, like I did. But God was and is with you in the midst of all of it and wants to use it for His glory; which means healing and fruitfulness for us. So, regardless of how long you napped today, if you can leave with these few things, emotional health and spiritual maturity can become a step closer.